Daadi is not real my daadi…my daadi died when I was barely one…she is not related to me…in fact she is not even a muslim…she is Sushila Sahai or as she calls her self “Sushila Rani”

When I was leaving for India in 2007 my “real” grandfather; Raza told me about her and his words were “If you want to witness a true Hindu Nari (woman) of the original Indian tradition and that too in the purest of its form you must meet Daadi…it would be a learning experience”. And so on that trip I met her very briefly just for a few minutes thinking as if I was fulfilling a duty for I had to give something at their House.

There was not much of an impression except that I found her to be very alert and hospitable for a 99 year old. And that too was not much of a uniqueness to me as Nanna my own great grandmother i.e Raza’s mother was 94 when she died and she was also very conspicuously smart and alert for her age. In fact I found her to be so similar that Daadi’s encounter only made me miss Nanna.

But it was on the later trip in around March 2008, that due to some problem in the hotel bookings we were constrained to spend a few days at Daadi’s house and that is when she and I fell in love!!!

As I mentioned earlier she is a very warm person and starts talking to everyone though she forgets in 10 minutes who the person is…and she also tends to repeat herself a lot. So every morning at breakfast she would start telling the same thing such as “I am turning a 100 this year and there will be a big birthday”…or things like asking my name over and over again…but one thing she kept on saying was that “I am going to ask my younger sister to give a set of the “Ramayan” series on Video Cd’s for my birthday  as I really like watching it”…she mentioned it at least 10 times in a day…

Naturally I found the perfect way to reciprocate their hospitality and I went to Palika Bazar in Connaught Place and got a set of Ramayan Cd’s for her. When I presented it, she was ecstatic ….I’ve never seen someone’s joy as pure as hers…she kept on repeating” Dekho mujhe aik Musalman ne Ramayan de hai”…I think for her it was the most unusual thing. It was like the breaking of a paradigm that she had lived with for 99 years. My act just introduced a different angle to her sense of humanity. Please understand that she has nothing against Muslims or feels any discrimination  in fact her own grand daughter almost got married to a Muslim (if only he hadn’t died). But the idea of a Muslim getting associated with something so discretely opposite was a pleasant jolt for here.

From that day onwards she has not forgotten my name!!!

But why am I so attracted to her….no its not because I miss the love of a grandparent (I’m not as soppy as some might think) and no it’s not a response to someone showing you a lot of gratitude or affection. What I’ve discovered in her is a living example of an unsaid wisdom. Let me share her story with you….and trust me I’ll keep it as short as possible to avoid turning this into a school essay

She was born in 1908, her father was an Engineer in the Imperial Service. She got married to Ramchandra Sahai when she was 12 but moved with her husband at the age of 17. He was also an engineer. In fact her husband and father were the ones who have played a vital role in making the irrigation system particularly the canal that we have running in Lahore!!

She tells us that after marriage she was tormented by her husband’s step mother…who like the films treated her horribly…she made daadi sell her jewelry etc. etc. etc…..

But in all this the birth of her son in 1925 was the greatest joy..he was named Lavraj Kumar and he grew up to be….as they say in fairy tales that most charming prince….she did not have any more kids after him. He became one of the most prominent engineers of India in fact he was one of the first to get Rhodes scholarship to Oxford and one of the very few who got in to the Indian Civil Service without an exam. He got married to Dharma who was a PhD in Economics and a very highly rated scholar and professor of India. They give birth to their only child Radha Kumar who also is a PhD in Labor History and an important political and social activist who wrote a book on Bosnia. In fact it is through Radha we got to know Daadi as she was engaged to be married to one of my grandfather Raza’s closest friends;  the renowned Pakistani scholar and activist Dr. Eqbal Ahmed.

All was well for Daadi until 1994 when Lavraj sunddenly died and within a few months of his death his father and Daadi’s Husband Ramchandra Sahai could not bear the loss and also passed away. A few years later Daadi’s daughter in law Dharma got a tumor diagnosed which on removal rendered her a vegetable. She died in 2001. Meanwhile Dr. Eqbal Ahmed or Eqbal chacha as we called him suddenly died with cancer as well. So here was Daadi in her huge Bunglow at Sunder Nagar Delhi all alone with her grand daughter.

She has lived the death of all her loved ones….she talks about it every 10 minutes but with no tear in her eye. There is a strange serenity that halos her. At 100 she can walk without a stick..eat anything she likes….talk and sing…entertain. She still loves to watch the Ramayan I gave her and tells everyone that “yeh Ramayan mujhay noor ne di hai”. When we took her painting to for her she said “ye dekho mein kitni sunder thi” (see how beautiful I was!!!)

Her endurance is noteworthy ..her patience glorious

She barely studied till 8th but her wisdom is so intricately woven in her demeanor that it forces you to take notice ….

Writing any further would be over-philosophizing…

But I know I’ve learnt from her and if I ever live to be a 100 my good luck would not be the longevity but the lesson learnt in leading a life full of grace. 

Love

Ali Noor

P.s I have made small video to give you sense of Daadi. I hope you all like it.

October 30th, 2008
Categories: The Diary . Author: Ali Noor

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